Gotta Catch 'Em All
by UlarMelingkar
Summary: Let's talk about why we shouldn't catch them all anymore and just keep breeding for perfect abomination. Now, complete with ideological factions, cheap battles, and new starters!


Just a notdrabble crack I made at four thirty in the morning (GMT+7). God, what have I done. This is a random story with OOC dripping from every character, bland pokemon battle, plot with no peak, no point, nor purpose. And sadly, no slash. Although there's some implication that came out of nowhere. Then again, most of these are things I pulled this out of nowhere.

Then again, that is one of the joy of fanfiction. Another one is that in an obscure crossover fandom, this abomination wouldn't receive the light of the day and can be properly burried. RIP in pieces my story.

Warning: Spoiler for Pokemon XY which is going to be released in October. Wait-what?

**Gotta Catch 'Em All?**

"Congratulation for completing the National Pokedex yet again, Luke," the Professor said, beaming at his young apprentice. "As a reward for this marvellous accomplishment, I am going to give you a brand _new_ starter."

Luke groaned. "Oh, not_ again_, Professor! Don't you think six hundred and forty nine Pokemon is quite enough? I mean, seriously: six hundred! And I have to start anew every single time! Can't I just, like, upload the previous 'Dex entries to the new one?"

"I am afraid that cannot be done, Luke. Capturing the old Pokemon anew and describing them with a different perspective that you acquired after analysing the new Pokemon is one of the essensial part of obtaining the National Pokedex in the first place."

"Well, that's very nice and all, Professor. But can you at least make it easier to obtain event legendaries? I mean, really, I can only get Meloetta 'Dex entries from Japan-"

"Have you tried the GTS?"

Luke stared blankly at the Professor. "Professor, you have never been to that place, haven't you," he stated.

"Well-"

"Do you even know what they wanted in exchange for legendaries, or even _starters_, these days?"

"It can't be that bad, Luke."

"It's Zekrom, Professor," Luke stated without infliction in his voice, "Or Reshiram. Or the Kyurem."

"See? Not that bad. You can always-"

"Level nine and under," Luke finished.

Professor Layton closed his mouth.

"That is...quite problematic."

"Yes. Yes, it is. You really need to hire someone to tidy up thatplace, Professor," Luke said, "Because I am not going to take another step into that place anymore; especialy now, after I have obtained the Japanese Ditto I need for MM-ing."

The Archeology Professor slash Fossil Pokemon Researcher nodded. He would look into that when he had time. He sighed. When he was younger, things like this wouldn't have happened, considering the trading in his day was achieved through cables. He remembered trading his Kadabra For Randall's Haunter and Randall's screech when he had realized Kadabra's held item had been an Everstone. Good times. Many things sure had changed since then.

"So, Professor," Luke called, disturbing his reminiscing. "How many new Pokemon this time? And where do I have to go to collect them?"

"I'm afraid I cannot answer that, Luke. The only information I obtained was that this region is located in Europe. Thus, you are not required to run amok in another continent without supervision anymore."

"Oh, well. That's a good news I think. How about the starters, Professor?" Luke asked, eye sparkling as he imagined what the starters would be.

Professor Layton chuckled as he saw the expression painted on Luke's face. Luke was so enthusiastic when it came to choosing the starter, always alternating between the three typing. It sure reminded him of the old days, when he had to choose between three Kanto's fossil Pokemon along with Randall and Angela.

Suddenly, a girl's voice echoed in the lab, "Professor! Luke! Are you two going to start without me again?"

"Ah, Flora! Are you here for the starters too?" Luke asked with a grin.

Flora threw him a 'Well, duh' look and said, "But before that, you have to battle me!"

Luke gaped. "But Flora, you knew I only bring a Chandelure and four eggs today!"

"That's no excuse. When two trainers' eyes meet, they have to battle! Go, Starmie!"

"Oh, fine. Chandelure, let's finish this!"

Luke's Chandelure-who had been snoozing comfortably while warming the eggs with flame body-blinked as he suddenly thrown face to face with a water type Pokemon. In a battle. He looked back at his trainer with an 'are you kidding?' look.

"Starmie, use Hydro Pump!"

"Chandelure, Energy Ball."

But, of course, Luke's Chandelure had already hit Flora's Starmie with Energy ball before Luke even issued his command. Battle instinct and self preservation and all that jazz. It was a super effective move and even without same type attack bonus, it does a fairly considerable damage. Flora's Starmie fainted in that one hit.

"Starmie," Flora cried. She returned the star Pokemon into it's ball. She pulled another ball from her bag.

"Don't think you can win, yet! It's your turn, Alakazam! You won't defeat his elemental punches, Luke!"

Luke blinked. "Um... Flora, you do know that the physical and special split had been implemented since gen IV, right?"

His Chandelure's response was a super effective plus STAB Shadow Ball to Alakazam's face. Another one hit knock out. Alakazam fainted. Flora returned Alakazam to its ball.

"Ugh, fine! The time has come to prove yourself, Vileplume!"

Chandelure blasted her Pokemon with Fire Blast before Luke could utter a single word.

"Avenge her, Pikachu!"

This time, Luke had to calculate the damage if this Pikachu possibly holding an Eviolite instead of a Light ball. You know, in that miniscule, slight, improbable-but-not-impossible, chance of it happening.

Chandelure's response was to kill it with another Fire Blast. Well, not kill, exactly. But surely, it was _overkill_.

"Fine, I'll have to use my trump card. Houndoom, make him pay!"

The Houndoom roared. Chandelure blanched, or something akin to it on a purple flame Pokemon, anyway.

"It's a Flash Fire Houndoom, isn't it?" Luke asked. Flora only smirked in reply.

Luke sighed. At least it's not a Gyarados. "No matter. Chandelure: Hidden Power," he commanded.

"Houndoom, use Crunch!"

Before Houndoom could attack the Ghost Pokemon, he crumpled to the ground from Chandelure's Hidden Power. Five consecutive OHKO in a row.

"No! Houndoom! How could this be? You must be cheating again, Luke!"

"I didn't cheat. Honestly, Flora, you need to invest more of your time at the very least to perfect the Effort Value spread and the good Nature for your Pokemon. Honestly, EV training in gen V has gotten a lot more easier considering we have Power Item, the Wings, and Join Avenue. I mean, seriously, my Chandelure should _not_ have been able to outspeed your Starmie, even though my Chandelure has Timid nature, 31 speed IV, and 252 speed EV. Then again, with 252 special attack EV and 140 base sp-"

"Shut up, cheater!"

Luke only sighed and shook his head. She's another lost cause. He should have never let her idolise Elite Four Karen. Oh, well. More Pokeyen for him.

"That last Hidden Power is Fighting-type, isn't it, Luke?" asked Professor Layton who had been observing their battle. Strangely, he didn't warn them for having a battle inside a non-battling facility.

"Yes, Professor. My Chandelure has a perfect 70 HP Fighting. It's a shame, really, that he didn't have Flash Fire or Shadow Tag instead of Flame Body." He sighed. "RNG God must've hated me then."

Chandelure glared at its owner. Or something equal to a glare on a diamond-eyed ghost Pokemon. How dare he implied Chandelure was an abomination. Perhaps, he'd eat his owner's soul later.

Professor Layton patted Luke shoulder in sympathy.

"Now, about the starters. Would you like to choose first, Flora?"

"No, thank you," Flora said sweetly. "Luke can choose first since he_ win:_"

Professor Layton practically dragged Luke deeper into his lab. Professor Layton opened the door leading to his private office. Closing the door behind them, Luke suddenly felt very nervous. The strange glint in Professor's eyes didn't help.

"Now, Luke." Professor layton put his hand on Luke's shoulder and pushed him to face his table. The elder man bowed to Luke's height and spoke to him. Luke could feel his breath near his neck. "This one is Fennekin-" he motioned, with his hand that was not on Luke's shoulder, at the Fire type starter, "This one is Froakie-" he pointed at the frog-like Water starter, "The last one is Chespin," he mentioned without bothering to acknowledge the Grass starter.

"Do you have any question, Luke," he asked, face nearing Luke's own, "before we get started?"

Of course, Luke had a question. Luke had this one significant question burning through the back of his mind, taunting his lips, teasing his vocal chord, ever since his beloved mentor pierced his body with those sharp eyes of his, pinning him to the ground, dissecting his very soul while mentioning about the new starters. He had this one question he had been dying to ask since then. This was his only choice.

"I-I actually have this one question, Professor," he confessed, ducking his head slightly to hide his blush when his mentor's face turned to face his.

"Do you, Luke?" the Professor's gaze softened as his eyes caught the tell-tale blush his apprentice tried to hide. "Ask away, then."

"I-It's, um, the fire, Professor," Luke managed to stutter.

"The fire?" Professor Layton couldn't hide the concern in his voice.

"It's-The Fire-type starter is not going to evolve into another Fire/Fighting type, isn't it, Professor?" luke questioned nervously.

The fire fox glared at him from inside the Pokeball; looking very afronted by his insinuation. Three was enough. GameFreak would not gave them four Fire/Fighting starters in a row.

Or would they?

"No, Luke. It's going to be a Fire/Flying/Bug triple typing and it would be the first ever starter to get OHKO'd by the Sneaky Pebble entry hazard." Professor Layton rolled his eyes. "I was only kidding. Though, those developer was very evasive when questioned about these Pokemons' secondary typing."

"That wasn't very reassuring," Luke stated.

"Do you want an Assurance?" asked the Professor, pulling out a Pokeball containing a Liepard. It grinned evilly at him.

"No," Luke quickly answered. "No. Thank you for asking, Professor, but-No."

"Well, _I_ would like an assurance that I could pick a starter _today_. Gosh, what's taking you so long, Luke?" complained Flora, who appeared out of nowhere.

Luke sighed. "Because I'm feeling particularly gracious today, since I won and all, you can take the furbait starter, Flora. I have this inclination to pick Benj-I mean Froakie out of my gentlemanly duty as a proper English gentleman."

"Aw, it's so cute and cuddly!" Flors squealled as she hugged the life out of Fennekin's ball. The fire fox watched her, clearly horrified at the premise of having this girl as its trainer. She would hugged the internal organs out of him by the end of the day, the dessert fox concluded as its eyes carefully examined the cracks form along the side of its Pokeball from the force of her hug.

Reluctantly, she let go of the Pokeball, much to the fire starter's relief. "Sadly, I really want to heed the guidebook-I mean, I'm going to pick this Grass starter. Um. You know, out of my generousity."

Luke glared at her. "Are you sure you're not just being a b-"

Professor's stern gaze stopped him from continuing. Luke gulped.

"...Being a b_ad sport_ about it?" He finished lamely.

Professor Layton nodded. "Though Flora's decision seems to give you a devastated posterior, Luke, this kind of strategy is quite legal and had been practised ever since the Pokedex had been invented by those who has half a brain to comprehend type advantages."

Luke gaped. "It does not!" he vehemently denied.

"Anyway, since I have the Pokemon with a type advantage against yours, I think it would be wise to postpone our match until our pokemon learned some STAB moves don't you think?" Flora chuckled, ignoring every adamant denials from Luke and walked out.

Grumbling under his breath about unfair practices and common ignorance about the norm, Luke followed her outside.

Professor Layton sighed as the storm his children brought upon his Lab subsided. For a few second, he stood motionless with his eyes closed, appreciating the silence and the calmness washing over him. He breathed the fresh fragrance of the air from the air conditioner, cleaning out the sweet scent of grass and sunlight which the children unknownly brought with them.

How he had learned to appreciate and love the artificialness of his laboratory.

Finally opening his eyes, his gaze landed on the last Pokemon on the table. His eyes turned sharp as he assess the Pokemon before him. Suddenly, as if feeling the uneasiness radiating from the small fox, he smirked.

"Well, well," he said, walking closer to the Pokeball. "What am I going to do with you, little one?"

* * *

You know the ending: Clive/Emmy/Arianna/Puzzlette/Don Paolo/Jean Effing Descole came barging in and stole the last Pokemon. Layton would absolutely do nothing because he wanted to prove the theory about bad pokemon bad trainer causal thingy.

Thank you for spending your time reading this. I hope you have a nice day :)


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